I just thought I’d pop in for a little update for those of you who are losing sleep as you anxiously await my next blog post.
Yesterday, at approximately 2:05 pm, I reached into my laptop bag and noticed that I had a missed call and a voicemail from Dr. D, who called at 1:54 pm. Unfortunately, when you are a teacher you cannot simply return calls and check messages as the need arises, “Go ahead students, continue to work. I will be around to answer questions in a few minutes.” “Yes, this is Lacie returning your call. That’s wonderful news! All of the STD tests came back clear! Thanks for getting right back to me! Now, when can we schedule a time so you can poke around in my uterus?” Not to mention that it was my first day with this particular group of students. I thought it was best to wait until the kids were filing out the door to return the call.
When the secretary put me through to Dr. D, he cheerfully exclaimed, “I have the pleasure of informing you that everything is wonderful and all of your tests came back normal. This all looks great.” This was actually a nice message to receive as I am not accustomed to having normal test results when it comes to my reproductive system. My chart looks like a phone book, I kid you not. So, dear readers, it is now MY pleasure to inform YOU that I do not have HIV, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia (affectionately referred to as The Clap), Syphilis, or Hepatitis B! Whew! Guess what Michael said when I informed him of my tests results. Go ahead, guess. I’m waiting. Okay, he said, “Cool. I guess that means I don’t have any of those things either.” Hee hee. Guess not.
We have an appointment on Tuesday so that the doctor can do my “physical exam” (I’ll let you use your imagination for that one. You’re welcome.) as well as a little lesson for Michael from the nurse. The objective of the lesson will be to teach Michael how to properly inject progesterone into my buttocks twice a day leading up to and continuing through the first trimester of pregnancy. Nothing like waking up to a nice morning poke and then getting another one in the evening! I am one lucky lady! I’ve heard other people who have been through this say, “It wasn’t that bad. It was a bonding experience.” Is anyone else laughing at that?
So, in the meantime, I’ll share with you some fun t-shirts that I found on the Café Press website.
*Update: I just did a fun google search. The Clap is Gonorrhea NOT Chlamydia. Who knew? I stand corrected. No need to thank me folks, I am here to educate.