No, I am not referring to the date that I have with white wine and sushi this Friday (although I am very excited for that date as well!). The date I am referring to is the date for our embryo transfer, (YAY!!!) which will be on Wednesday, May 26th at 11:00, with a full bladder, (want to know anything else?).
I really thought about posting about how I am skipping around town while smelling flowers and patting babies on their heads and such, but that just wouldn’t be keeping it real. Folks, I have been in full-blown hormonal mess meltdown mode.
I had a conversation with my husband last night that went something like this.
Him: Why do you look like you’re about to cry?
Me: Because I am stressed, that’s why.
Him: Stressed about what?
Me: (Thinking: Are you KIDDING me, really???) I am stressed about everything! My mind is like a machine! I look at that medication schedule fifteen times a day to make sure I’ve got it right and then I look at it some more, I feel like I am losing my mind!
Him: That medication schedule is really clear. Do you want me to look at it with you?
Me: (Thinking: Is he implying that I can’t read the medication schedule? Is he not aware that I have menstrual AND injected hormone induced super-power strength right now? I can’t be mad at him. He just cleaned the entire house while I was visiting with my Nan.) It’s not just that. I feel like my mind just can’t let go of any of it.
Him: What about this process is not going exactly the way we’ve wanted it to?
Me: It’s going fine! I can’t explain it! I stress about little things! For example, I was going to cry earlier when I thought that I might be too fat to wear my maternity t-shirt! Then, I just went ahead and tried it on and it will fit just fine. But only then, was I able to let it go for a second!
Him (chuckling): Okay. Well you know you’re about to get as big as a house, right? We’re going to have to cut holes in bed sheets so you have something to wear.
Me (smiling for a split second): I stress about whether or not to do acupuncture!
Him: So, stop stressing about it and make an appointment. But I don’t think that going once to some girl named Megan or Suzanne and having a bunch of needles put into you is going to get you pregnant. Plenty of people get pregnant all of the time without acupuncture.
Me: Her name is Dr. Zhao and she is Chinese! Dr. Dodson’s nurse says that they “LOVE acupuncture!” That stress can make or break a cycle and that she’s seen people all stressed out and have a failed cycle. Then, they do acupuncture the next cycle, they turn into a different person and get pregnant. She says that if I think that it’s going to help then it’s going to help.
Him: Then make an appointment. It’s a done deal. No need to obsess about it.
Me: I already called. I left her a message today.
Him: What else are you stressed about?
Me (breaking into tears and sobbing): I just want it to work so badly. I just want it to work.
Him (getting all Yoda on my ass): Listen, it is within our control for this to work. We have twenty-two embryos! Dr. Dodson has seen no reason whatsoever why you wouldn’t be able to get pregnant with one of these embryos and carry a baby. You are going to stress yourself into it not working. You need to throw yourself into things that are within your control. Maybe you could start swimming at the gym. You could alternate swimming and going for walks every day after school. Those are both stress relieving things that you could do right on up to delivery day. Stop talking about doing yoga and start doing it! Don’t worry about anything here at the house. I can walk the dog and cook and whatever else needs to be done. You need to get yourself in a good place so this will work. Okay? Whatever you need to do is what you should be doing. I love you. You can do this.
I then kissed him good night, put some “spa music” on my ipod, and and fell fast asleep. I didn’t even have any night sweats last night! I love that man!
This morning, we had a conversation that went something like this.
Me: Ew. This shirt is horrible. Do you like this shirt?
Him: I have no opinion about that shirt.
Me: It would be better served as a maternity shirt.
Him: I am not saying a word. I will not be responsible for saying something stupid and sending you to work in the middle of an emotional breakdown. I am not going to do it.
Me (laughing): I’m changing into a different shirt.