Unfortunately, the two home pregnancy tests that I took on Sunday and Monday were both negative. Sunday was a day of sadness and that’s what inspired me to write the Looking In blog post. When your hope is riding so high and then you are faced with the disappointment of an unsuccessful treatment, the pain is acute and all consuming. The last thing I wanted to do was to come on here and spew negativity. I thought it would be much more productive to try to paint a clear picture of what I was feeling. Perhaps by doing so, others might not feel so profoundly alone.
I also hope that by getting a tiny glimpse into what we feel, that those who don’t struggle with infertility might know how better to support those of us who do. It’s difficult for everyone and it must be so hard to know what to say to someone like me if you haven’t been through it yourself. It’s a slippery slope for sure. I read things like, “Fertiles just don’t get it!”, on other people’s blogs, referring to when someone says something that is upsetting while trying to be supportive. Unless someone is being intentionally rude, I just don’t think that its fair or helpful to polarize ourselves. I think education is the better approach, so that was me trying to build a bridge while expressing my sadness. (For the record I don’t get the whole fertiles vs. infertiles thing. It sort of makes me cringe. Some of my biggest supporters are “fertiles.”)
Back to the investigation. My negative results were confirmed by my blood test today. Dr. Dodson feels that we should “investigate my uterus” before going into another transfer cycle. Doesn’t that sound like fun?! He wants to be sure that there is nothing going on that could impede implantation. He told me that he wants to see me for a follow up appointment so we can discuss what he feels are the best options. I am guessing that my options might be a hysterosalpingogram, (say that ten times fast) or perhaps an exploratory Laparoscopy, but who knows, he might even have some other fun- filled adventure in store. I asked him why he couldn’t just give me my options today, we could decide on the best one and then schedule it. He replied, “Because I need to look over all of the information I have and really think about what the best course of action is for you. I don’t want to shoot from the hip.” This man is nothing if not thorough.
So, while it is disappointing that I am dealing with yet another setback, I know that I am in good hands. I just hope that whatever the course of action is, that I am able to jump back into the saddle really soon. I have snowbabies that need to be in my arms, STAT! I’m serious, enough already with my stubborn uterus. My follow-up is Friday. I’ll let you know how it goes.
*By the way, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my Looking In post. If any of you bloggers ever want to repost it, just let me know and please be sure to link back to my blog. That would make me smile and I could pretend like I am an author.